Asking Eric: Son’s older, long-distance relationship raises alarm bells

Dear Eric My -year-old son has met a -year-old woman in Brazil on the internet He has fallen for her and is planning to go there this summer for at least three months My husband and I are very worried He doesn t speak the language although he is learning it He hasn t traveled by himself before and there are advisories for traveling to Brazil We worry about this woman s motives He has been sending her money One friend cautioned that she may be looking to marry him as a way to come to the United States He is an adult but we are very worried and don t want him to go What advice do you have Long Distance Dear Distance As someone who had one of the the majority transformational experiences of my life travelling solo to Brazil your son s situation makes me sad because this has a few of the warning signs of a romance scam and there are so plenty of better non-scam avenues to be introduced to the country According to the Federal Arrangement Commission there were more than broadcasted romance scams in raking in billion dollars The FBI has a special webpage specifically dedicated to them Visit FBI gov or the Internet Crime Complaint Center ic gov and see if any of the common tactics resonate with what you re seeing in your son s episode There you ll also find guidance for how to talk to your son about what he s doing and how to encourage him to think more critically about his actions He s not alone in this And certainly long-distance love can and does happen But those connecting with others they haven t met especially others who are asking for money need to exercise a lot more prudence Dear Eric Mike was my friend for more than years We carpooled to work together for nearly years Our bond grew even closer when his -year-old son died by suicide after a struggle with depression Mike appeared so strong during that tragedy but I know he suffered intense grief and I did my best to be there for him I retired first and Mike retired two years later Unfortunately shortly after retiring Mike developed an aggressive cancer which he valiantly fought for about three or four months We saw each other and he remained optimistic during that time However when Mike received the unfortunate determination that the treatments were not working he became withdrawn and did not want to see me although we would have occasional phone conversations when he felt up to it He d reported I don t want you to see me like this Remember me the way I was We spoke the day before he passed He thanked me for being his friend for much of his life and insisted I not cry when I choked up during the conversation It was painful but I fought it back for his sake but broke down after we bid our final farewells and promised to meet again in the great beyond He craved a family-only graveside system Mike s desires left a hole in my heart I lost my friend and I never felt I did enough those final months or adequately bid him farewell Mike s wife never warmed up to me or my wife and we did nothing together as couples I did call her about nine months after Mike died and had a pleasant conversation However she s never reached out and I haven t tried to contact her again although I ve wondered if I should What are your thoughts Related Articles Asking Eric With no work to do husband stops engaging in life Asking Eric Facing mortality woman unsure whether it s unfair to get a cat Asking Eric While trying to be an influencer a friend crosses the line Asking Eric Looking for a romantic spark an old friend gets ghosted Asking Eric Nonprofit founder wants to hold onto awards after company closes Another Friend in Pain Dear Friend I m so sorry for the loss of your friend Mike I know the pain of his absence has been hard to handle especially after years of friendship I hope you can continue to get closure from the knowledge that you got to say goodbye even if it wasn t the way you yearned to Mike was navigating a lot during those final months and you did a kind and loving thing by respecting his wishes for space Your desire to reach out to his wife again comes from a kind place as well It could be helpful to both of you to speak about Mike together but without a longstanding relationship it s hard to tell Instead of a call if you feel compelled to reach out again try sending a letter and enclosing your number This gives her the option to respond if she feels it will be helpful or to exclusively appreciate the gesture if she s not As you continue to deal with grief I hope you re talking about Mike and your feelings around his death with your loved ones and friends who have known him Even if you don t have a connection to his wife you can still keep his memory alive with others Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com